OkCupid Adventures: How to Completely Repulse Anyone

Normally when I have a particularly unpleasant experience on OkCupid.com, I end up making a rule. (For more about this, see my previous post regarding trannies.)

However, there are no rules that can cover the most recent weirdness.

OkCupid, like other dating sites, tries to match you up with people that you will get along with, the keyword there being *tries*.  Because it does try... But it's only an algorithm, and thus cannot process some of the most basic signs which indicate to you that your so-called potential match could be a transvestite serial killer.

Sometimes, your match's username is a good indication of mental instability. Case in point: while trolling the latest selection of people OkCupid had chosen for me, I came across the user I will call black_cold_hate. As bad of a name as that clearly is, it's not actually the REAL name of this user. To avoid naming him directly, I've replaced each word with one *opposite* the original. Example: Red spoon would become blue fork. Now. Do that with black_cold_hate.

Did you do it?

Yes. That is his actual username, I shit you not.
So, needless to say, after I saw that, I asked myself what the hell he must've been thinking when he chose that. Suddenly, all those guys with "taco" in their username didn't look so bad.

Well, I then click away to another page... Only to see that black_cold_hate has actually sent me a message. Huh. Warily, I read the message. It does not sound psychotic, so I go check out his profile. The profile also does not read as psychotic.  I think about replying, especially since he has asked me to please answer one way or another, whether interested or not.  I haven't decided which answer to give, so I don't answer right then.

Typically, I make it a rule not to answer these emails right away. I like to sit on them for a day or so, and think about it, consider what I'm going to say, and why I'm replying: am I interested? Am I desperate? Or am I just bored? And only then do I reply.

But, black_cold_hate did not even allow me two minutes of time to contemplate his message... Because just as I clicked to another page, he messaged me AGAIN.... To say he'd seen me check out his profile, and wondered what I would say. Because... That doesn't come off as totally creepy and/or desperate at all--oh, no wait, yes it does. I narrowed my eyes at the screen... and resumed my internets business.

Skip to the next day. I return to OkCupid, still pondering how to answer this dude. I hang around on the site long enough to read a message from someone else, see who has recently visited my profile, and leave again. Upon leaving, I pop to my Gmail inbox... And guess what? User black_cold_hate has sent me ANOTHER message. To apologize for the weird IM he sent me, during the 2.4 minutes I was online... An IM which I didn't know about, because I must've just signed off as he sent it.

So. Four messages, in two days. In somewhat stalkery fashion... With a username like black_cold_hate... And we only match 72%. For me to ignore the rest of that, we'd have to match 97%.

I have not messaged him back yet to tell him to fuck off, but... I am going to, simply because he asked me to let him know either way, and I'm not a total bitch. (86%)

Anyway, the lesson to be learned her, chilluns, is that like your thong, it's tacky to let your desperation hang out where everyone can see.

Although, let's be honest, with that username, he's already set himself up for creepy.